• Categories

  • Old Posts

  • Pages

  • Recent Comments

    Olympic war games… on A question of security?
    Olympic war games… on Bring ’em on
    Bring ‘em on… on A question of security?
    Yingying Xue on Why The Chinese Don’t Co…
    Why the Chinese don… on China, health and us.
  • Britain-e

  • Today’s visitors

  • Visitors since 2009.4.1

    wordpress stat
  • Pageloads since time immoral

    • 19,534 visitations

Yet another insult to the Chinese people

chinese-condom-16939454Yet another advert which has ‘hurt the feelings of the Chinese people’.  But I wonder how many of the Chinese people have actually seen it?

The article is on this QQ page.

Related posts –  No favour

Advertisements

Chongqing idioms

Here’s a superb snippet from a posting entitled ‘Funny Bits from Beijing Olympics’ found on the ‘Inside-Out China‘ blog. I’ve replaced the names to make the story a little more palatable, otherwise everything is as is.

Two Chongqing tourists Wu and Jin arrived at Beijing. On a bus, Wu looked at the map and said, “Lets first kill to Tiananmen, then Chairman Mao’s Memorial, then Zhongnanhai.” Jin answered, “Good, we’ll do what you said, kill all the way along this route.” (Chongqing idiom: “kill the way” 杀过去 means “go there.”) Alarmed Beijing passengers reported their dialogue to the police and the two Chongqing men were arrested as soon as they got off the bus.

After several hours interrogation and detention in the police station, they were released. Walking to the Tiananmen Square, the two men kept silent. They just looked at each other and sighed. At last, Wu said to Jin, “Why don’t you shoot?” Jin replied, “You didn’t shoot, why do I dare to shoot?” (Chongqing idiom: “shoot” 开腔 means “talk.”) Before they knew their arms were twisted by plain-clothe police.

A week later the two Chongqing men came out of the detention house. They looked at each other. Wu said, “This is good. My pockets are all empty. Where should we go to get some bullets?” (Chongqing idiom: “bullet” 子弹 means “money.”) The armed guards at the gate charged up and pinned them down on the ground.

Eventually, the Public Security Bureau issued a nationwide notice: “Chongqing idioms are strictly forbidden during the Beijing Olympics.”

Click here for the full post

. . . . and finally, for a translated joke, posted on the Black and White Cat blog, relating to the responses from different nations to Michael Phelps’ recent success click here.

You Know You’ve Been in China Too Long If…

Here, on the Seven Castles blogsite, is a list similar to one posted some time ago on this blog but more comprehensive with 130 criteria to help you sort out whether or not you have been in China for too long. Many of the conditions are old hat but some are quite delicious and raised a smile for me. Here are a few that applied to me before I finally made my escape . . .

4. You would rather wait on the street for an extra ten minutes for a small cab, than pay the extra for a big cab

7. You have absolutely no sense of traffic rules.

10. You no longer need tissues to blow your nose.

13. Other foreigners seem foreign to you.

21. You start cutting off large vehicles on your bicycle.

60. There are more things strapped to your cycle than you ever put in a car.

75. Forks feel funny.

76. The shortest distance between two points involves going through an alley.

119. You get offended when people admire your chopsticks skills.

Read the full list here.

Related posts – ‘You know you have been an expat in China too long when . . .

Here’s some really important health information – especially good at this time of the year!

Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it…don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruit and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism for delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Sheep are a good source of field grass (leafy green vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily intake of vegetable products.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?

A: Look, it goes back to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal or mineral, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: ‘No Pain…Great’.

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?

A: You’re not listening. These days foods are fried in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: What’s the secret to healthy eating?

A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO …… Cocoa beans .. another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Now go and have a biscuit……..flour comes from wheat, which is a veggie!

Finally; if swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Oh, and one more thing… “When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt.”

Repetitive Responses Repel Repugnent Rebels

How’s this for a bit of frivolity – click here.

Atmospheric Inspiration


Is this Divine Guidance/Inspiration? I was looking at the log of hits for the blog the other day and saw one or two that had arrived via Google searches. Out of curiosity I did equivalent searches using the same criteria as the original visitors, just to see what they had been looking for and might have found. One had been looking for ‘CO2’ ‘absorption’ and something else, which I can’t remember, and it produced the usual list of websites relating to climate change, ozone layers, carbon dioxide, etc plus a little gem near the bottom of the first page which was something about carbonating beer. This was a website advertising [Heath Robinson style] equipment for carbonating beer on the cheap. Almost instantly the penny dropped; here is the answer to all our climate problems. Suck the CO2 out of the atmosphere, carbonate the booze with it and let the binge drinkers swallow it!

Putting in a good word for the Atheists

In a recently published document, entitled Spe Salvi [Saved by Hope], Joseph Ratzinger [Pope Benedict 16th] warns the world of the evils of atheism.

“Pope Benedict XVI has launched a powerful attack on atheism, saying that it was responsible for some of the ‘greatest forms of cruelty and violations of justice’ in history.” Telegraph.co.uk

In the document he goes on to assert that justice is not man made but is divine; if we try to create our own justice we end up in a world without hope. Precisely how the logic of this thinking slots together is unclear to me but I’m sure someone can put me right. This is just one more in a series of announcements, encyclicals and speeches, setting out the Pope’s ideas of how the church relates to all else in the world and how the world should relate to it. Earlier this year he asserted that the only way to God was via the Catholic church, thereby resurrecting the medieval notion that there is only one holy church [the Roman church] and that everything else is inferior and not worth bothering about.

But back to the more recent attack encyclical. I differ from His Holisox and feel that he missed the mark somewhat and I would like to put the record straight. There is no trickery in the words I use, no masking of meaning, no mysticism, no unsubstantiated assertions, only plain facts.

As a general rule atheists don’t . .

– hate you for being homosexual

– stand in your way if you want to learn more about science

– insist on being lead by celibate numbskulls

– interfere with education

– interfere with human rights

– hide priests who have been caught playing with little boys

. . . and looking further back in history atheists were never renowned for . .

– launching crusades against other religions based in the the Middle East

– instigating inquisitions

– putting people on stretching racks if they asked questions about the bible

– burning people at the stake because someone said they were b/witches

– collaborating with the Nazi party

. . but while the above statements are true I would accept that they do not represent an overwhelming proof that atheists never indulge in evil.

Making an attack of this kind and blaming the ills of the world on to some unconnected group is, to my mind, the mark of someone who is in a potentially weak or vulnerable position, or who feels that his organisation/faith/creed is not robust enough to withstand scrutiny or criticism from outsiders, which ought to be nonsense as Christianity has been around for a long time now. But maybe we really shouldn’t be too surprised at this outburst as the pontiff set out his stall at a very early stage, making it clear there would be nonsense, no namby-pambying or softening of the faith while he was in charge – so out went any notion of dialogue with other faiths, all ideas about modernising the Catholic church were scrapped and the way forward now, apparently, is to return to the Middle Ages as soon as possible. Without doubt, he is a focused man and with clear vision of where he wants the church to go – or as others might see him, narrow-minded, bigoted and with a penchant for all things medieval.